While driving home from the baby’s first doctor appointment..
Wife: Look at the beautiful baby. We do good work.
Me: I dunno
Wife: What do you mean?
Me: Well I don’t think I had that much to do with it really. Think about it… If life is like a box of chocolates then making a baby is like baking a cake, only you sent your husband to the store and he only brought back half the ingredients.
Wife: So if I did such a great job baking then how do you explain the fact that she was a week late?
Me: You burnt it.